Another wannabe Satoshi has exposed himself to the world. But we’re not convinced.

The big secret at the heart of Bitcoin is the identity of its creator, Satoshi Nakamoto. There have been many claims to the throne, from an Estonian cryptographer to outspoken Australian Craig Wright—who is currently suing anyone who doesn’t believe him. However, not a single person has successfully provided cryptographic proof of identity, the gold standard in this digital age.

On Sunday, another Nakamoto sidled out of the woodwork, and he/she/it has three pieces of  "proof" that will finally lay this mystery to rest, all of which are detailed in a handy blog post.

satoshi nakamoto's big reveal
Mind blown. Photo credit: Satoshi Nakamoto (or not)
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The first piece of ‘proof’ is the origin story of the name Bitcoin. According to this Satoshi, Bitcoin’s name was derived from “Bank of Credit and Commerce International”—a company Time Magazine called the World’s sleaziest bank back in 1991. To back this up, “Nakamoto” has a piece of proof. He writes that the Bitcoin.org website was registered on August 18, 2008. And on November 18, 2008, he registered the domain “theBCCI.net”—representing the bank that gave Bitcoin its name. Nakamoto insists that because they were both registered on the 18th day of their prospective months, they are one of the same. Convinced? Ok, how about this one.

The second big piece of evidence focuses on the origins of the name Satoshi Nakamoto. Bear with us here.

“It has been said that numbers are bits of information that carry an intrinsic energetic quality and that by studying numerology, you can gain a better understanding of the deeper meaning and purpose underlying our experience,” the post states, convincingly. Numerology is loosely defined as, any belief in the divine or mystical relationship between a number and one or more coinciding events.

Nakamoto’s nickname was Shaiko, he says. Which is a number 24 in Chaldean numerology, a number system that originated in Babylon. And you wouldn’t believe what other name is a 24?

You guessed it, Satoshi. As the writer proudly concludes, “The names Shaikho and Satoshi are a perfect match in the Chaldean system.” Well that settles it then. But why now? Why has Satoshi suddenly decided to grace us with his presence? Cos he’s got something to shill, apparently.

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The post was published on Ivy McLemore and Associates, a PR firm run by Ivy McLemore, who describes himself as a, “PR and Marketing Specialist Focused on Creating and Distributing Content to Help Clients Succeed.” Combing through the author's back catalog of posts, one such gem alleges Einstein was wrong to say compound interest was the “most powerful force in the universe”—it was the fund rating system McLemore was shilling.

Back to Nakamoto. Like any marketing campaign, the best has been kept till last. The third and final part will dramatically reveal not only Satoshi, but a whole new and improved version of Bitcoin called Tabula Rasa. Details are scarce but we’re promised this is what Bitcoin has always strived to be. 

So, here we have it, folks. What you’ve all been waiting for. But whatever it is, it won’t be the new Bitcoin. And this is certainly not the old Satoshi.

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