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Not your grave, not your bitcoin. Today Ben M phoned in a stunning analysis that makes clear for the first time the utterly bizarre tale of Canadian crypto exchange QuadrigaCX, whose CEO was recently found to have “died”(?) along with $190 million-worth of users’ funds. After explicating the nuances of the story with the kind of insight, brio, pizazz, and joie de vivre that only Munster can muster, he gobsmacks us with this epiphany:  Many Bitcoiners are actually pleased at the troubling news! That’s right: They uphold QuadrigaCX’s tragedy as a cautionary example of “not your keys, not your bitcoin.” It’s a take that must be read to be savored, and then re-read again, for the good bits. That link once more.

Roger Ebert born again. My “friend” and “colleague” and “house pet” Tim C reviewed Android’s Bitcoin Lightning wallet. The endearingly slow Tim found it “complicated,” but also full of “promise.” Interesting!

TIm spent ages on this piece, as I observed through the 0.5mm air-hole in the crate I keep him in, and you know what? He actually delivered. Words are separated by spaces, punctuation appears in the appropriate places, and Dim doesn’t even misspell his own name. A unique, once-in-a-millenium must read.

Other stuff

This was not Satoshi’s Vision. Craig Wright’s hard-fork-of-a-hard-fork Bitcoin SV, according to Hard Fork, has been used to immutably store child porn. Bitcoin SV came out of Wright’s push (full story here) for a larger block size, and the resulting 450X increase in space means videos and images can now be posted. The abusive imagery in question was reportedly processed (unknowingly) by Money Button, a payment software run by Bitcoin SV evangelist and uber-niche celebrity Ryan X Charles. Though so-called “block explorers” have been quick to censor the transactions from their displays, the information itself will be preserved on SV forever. Trebles all round!

Enormous mythical creature set to appear in Europe. That’s what a kraken is, sort of. Anyway: Per Coindesk [Ed. For a change, eh, Munster?], San Francisco-based crypto startup Kraken has sunk nearly $100 million into UK-based firm Crypto Utilities, which offers a derivatives platform that allows users to gamble on crypto prices. With the purchase of the fully-regulated firm, Kraken is hoping to make headway in Europe, according to its CEO, Jesse Powell.

An appalling last resort. BreakerMag writer Mark Yarm wrote a sad, somewhat hopeless profile of Lyn Ulbricht, the mother of Silk Road founder Ross Ulbricht. In 2015, Ross was sentenced to life in jail, and Lyn has since dedicated herself to the cause of seeing her son free again. Yet, having met obstacles in every direction, Lyn’s only remaining hope is for President Trump to pardon him. As such, the fate of her son rests on the whim of a madman, in the unlikely event he notices her or cares. 

Written by Ben M, a blockchain-agnostic ERC-20 token running on the Ethereum network. 51 percent attack him at [email protected]