We do the research, you get the alpha!
Updated to reflect that Cryptowl targets millenials, not millionaires, a fairly crucial point that was, apparently, lost in translation. Apologies for the ensuing confusion, which is profound.Â
Millionaires Millenials donât have time to read. In the past, theyâd get their butlers helicopter parents to dictate the news to them. Now, maybe they ask Siri.
But when a millionaire millennial wants to brush up on blockchain news, she might do well to go to âCryptowl,â a chatbot that delivers rapid blockchain roundups, once a week.
âCryptowl is a chatbot thatâs aiming to democratise blockchain and cryptocurrencies,â said Marouene Chaibbi, Cryptowlâs CEO. . âEvery Wednesday, itâs a discussion, it explains to you the main theme of the moment.â
Chaibbi had caught me at Paris Blockchain Week Summit, where I had been sitting alone on the steps outside, as is my wont. I told him I was desperate for exclusivesâthe_block was here looking for something to rewrite, after allâand he generously delivered his spiel about Cryptowl. A stocky man of indeterminate age, he spoke with a low French lilt, like Edith Piaf distorted through a Fender Mustang GT 40.
The platform, which launched this month, already has 1,000 active weekly users, he said. Itâs  aimed at high, high earners who donât have time to read disgraceful rags like Decrypt. âWe are targeting millionaires millenials,â said the CEO. âThey can learn information without looking at 10,000 tweets or 100 websites. This is to help them gain time and show them where to start.â
Does it work? âWeâve got doctors saying, âOh shit we now understand whatâs going on,â" confirmed Chaibbi.
Sounds like an exclusive!
Though hardly a millionair millenial myself, I thought Iâd give âCryptowlâ a go, since itâs free.
Turns out itâs in bloody French.
âJe suis Cryptowl , l'assistant  qui te guide dans le monde de la BlockChain et des Cryptomonnaies,â it told me. Â
TELL ME WHAT A BLOCKCHAIN IS, I demanded, in English.
âLa blockchain est une technologie rĂ©volutionnaire de stockage et de transmission dâinformations, transparente, sĂ©curisĂ©e, et fonctionnant sans organe central de contrĂŽle,â it said.
I bunged it into Google translate, since I have the intuition of an ape, and it queefed out some nonsense that still didnât sound too far off from your typical ICO white paper:
"The blockchain is a revolutionary technology for storing and transmitting information, transparent, secure, and operating without a central control organ.â
Doesnât have a âcentral control organ,â eh? Rather like a certain cathedral. (Too soon?)
Chaibbi explained that he didnât âhave the ambition to say right now itâs AI,â but I disagree. It seemed pretty smart, though not multilingual.
I asked Cryptowl what it thought about mining and the toll it takes on the environment. It didnât understand the question.
âWhat is dogecoin,â I asked.
âJe n'ai pas saisi ce que tu as dit,â it lamented.
âCe qui est dogecoin?â I corrected.
But it STILL didnât understand.
âConnard!â I expleted.
Cryptowl paused for a moment, then responded with a GIF of Mr Bean, looking shocked.
I apologised. It didnât understand why.
I clicked on a widget and it told me, yet again in French, that Bitcoinâs price had gone up recently.
I suppose thatâs all one really needs to know about crypto: price, blockchain, central control organ, connard, revolutionary, price, bitcoin, I donât understand.
Nothing could sum it up better.